Living Life

...everything can be taken from us but one thing:
the last of human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any
given set of circumstances — to choose one’s own way.
Viktor Frankl

I was talking to a young friend of mine when I asked how things were going. His response was "my life is a disaster."
"I have a job I hate, bills to pay, problems with my relationship."
"Ah dear friend," I replied. "That’s not a disaster, that’s LIFE."
What makes the difference between us, why can some people cope when others’ crumple?
In my role as a nurse I have watched as people apply their own brand of coping to situations. These events cover the entire spectrum of circumstances, from life threatening to minor scrapes, and people’s responses are just as varied, from complete emotional collapse to the birth of a stronger, resilient human being.
More recently because of my work with seniors I watch people cope as they face declines in their physical or mental ability. Sometimes these changes force them to make life altering living arrangements. Some people do so with grace and seamless ease while others’ go through terrible emotional upheavals.
What makes the difference? Could it be as simple as our attitudes? If we change the way we respond perhaps we would be happier and become more resilient as things change around us.
I believe that people’s attitude about themselves and the situations they’re in creates either their feelings of victim hood or empowerment.
A part of this attitude comes from our ability to trust in ourselves. This is an essential ingredient in strong coping skills. If I trust myself to make healthy choices, and I can look at situations or events as just things that happen not disasters, then I set myself up to have a more positive emotional response. There is no disaster, no event to cause a collapse of my world. Trust in myself creates resilience.
So how do we go about creating a trust of ourselves and our decision making abilities from where we are now?
One exercise I was shown during my coaching course started simply with learning to recognize the success I had already achieved in my life. I was to create a list of 100 things that I had been successful at in my life. I divided my life into thirds and started recording things, slowly over time I had more than 100 items on my list. This exercise allowed me to look at my life differently. I began to appreciate just how much I had accomplished in my life.
More importantly though it changed my attitude about my abilities to make good decisions for myself. I had already been successful so many times that it was easier for me to believe that I would continue to be so in the future. I had a better sense of my ability to cope with life. I had managed and been successful and I will continue to be. I can trust myself.
Being resilient means living life, not being fearful of what it might bring, Sometimes it means altering the way I look at things. Most of all it means trusting myself to be okay as I navigate through whatever life brings. I cannot control all things. However, I can make the most out of life.
My hope is that I will create a resilient attitude now so that when I reach the stage of declining physical and mental abilities I can ease into the next phase of my life without as much emotional upheaval. I want to be able to look at each phase of my life as an adventure, a new beginning, a chance to try new things.

TFTT # 88 © Linda Bridge